New Game/Reality Show to Air

Who wants to slap Nicole Richie?

Contestants would display their hate for Nicole in three separate rounds.

Round one would consist of 10 contestants bitch-slapping a dummy resembling Nicole. These blows would be judged by a panel of mildly annoying, relatively unknown celebrities, and the top 3 would move on.

Round two involves a creative edge: the remaining three contestants would each be given an effigy of Nicole and a variety of instruments with which to send the effigy to its certain departure. The audience would then vote on the most creative method of destruction and the winner would go on to slap the real Nicole Richie.

Round three is an all out shouting match between the dumbass heroin-eye-circled daughter of a shitty 80's pop star and the contestant performing the bitch-slap. At any point in the shouting match, the contestant may attempt to shut Nicole up by delivering one well-planted slap across her face. If the contestant succeeds in silencing the anorexic tower of ignorance, they win a cash prize of $50,000 and will be allowed to throw a molotov cocktail into the office of the executive that green-lighted The Simple Life.

While it seems inhumane, this idea was reportedly put forward by the executive that green-lighted The Simple Life. A friend of the executive gave us insight into this decision. "For him, moving that show forward was like getting a full body tattoo of Newt Gingrich." Apparently, the executive woke up one morning and got a call from Hilton and Richie, wondering when they were going to start shooting.

"The poor guy tried to get out of it, but he signed a contract clearly stating that he would trade a production go-ahead for a couple of blow jobs. Since it aired, he's been looking for a way out. I guess burning alive in a corner-office is much better than living with knowing you're responsible for the creation of that show."